Friday 28 November 2008

The Power Of Self Reflection..Its All About Letting Go Negative Energy


It started with counting down the stars of the pure sky while I was camping with some friends in the west desert and ended up with a self reflection that released my soul.

Why did I always believe that I was self-reflecting a lot? Why did I always believe that I was in a direct and honest communication with my self? Why did I always believe that I knew what it was all about? Why did I always believe that I had the answers for everything?

Wait a minute!! Isn’t self reflection the way to throw self-lies out and face the truth? Even if it’s painful? Even if it might need you to admit that you were wrong about so many things?
This is when I realized I was living a big lie believing that I have always been honest with my self and my thoughts while I just wasn’t.

We can fool ourselves for all sorts of reasons. Maybe for the sake of our ego. But mostly it’s because we are simply afraid. For sometimes we are afraid to hope, because hope raises our expectation, and expectation can lead to disappointment.

At this point we start manipulating our own reality. We can persuade, even deceive. We can make others view us in the way we wish to see our selves. We can hide our selfishness with charity, our fear with laughter and our hatred with fake smiles.

For many, sadly, this is not an issue, for the illusion of their lives becomes self-delusion. Just like the one who repeats a lie among people and among him self until he starts to believe it and live it
There are those who cannot see the stains on their souls. Some lack the capacity to look in the glass of introspection, perhaps, and others alter reality without and within.


Those who lack passion; hide from it. Afraid of seeing it become an instrument, a weapon, because otherwise we would be human. We know the full part and the empty part of the glass too well, yet we still cannot talk to our selves about that obvious stain.
Only there, in that place, is the road of redemption, for any of us. Only in facing honestly that image in the glass can we change the reality of who we are. Only in seeing the scars and the stains and the rot can we begin to heal.


*******
As we finally were able to have a fire place in the middle of the camp for some warmth, a discussion came up about how sometimes it takes hours to start a fire and I couldn’t help but stare at the fire and noticing it’s energy that is spreading within each and every member of the group sitting around it.


This fire could burn you if you sit closer to it, but when you keep enough distance it will just keep you warm.


Just like the negative energy you get everyday from different things and different people around you in everyday of your life. It could destroy you if you allow it to get into you, and it could help you if you choose it to.

As I began this energy healing therapy, I realized that denial has no place in self-reflection, and so it is up to a person to admit his errors, to embrace them and to move along in a more positive direction.


I choose to do so. I decided to release my self from all the negative energy I have had in me for such a long time and turn it into a positive one.
SIMPLY BY APPRECHIATING IT!!


Appreciating;
(D) For showing me that friends come and go, and it’s not always your fault.
(M) For showing me how horrible it is to be a selfish person
(O) For showing me that hurting someone’s soul is harder than hurting someone’s body
(M) For showing me how bad it is to be a stubborn person
(A) For showing me what it takes to finally forgive someone.
(R) For showing me how the word sorry could end wars between people.
(H) For showing me that it takes two not one
(S) For showing me how hard it is to be a lonely person
Traffic for allowing me to enjoy my favorite radio programs and enjoy more music during the day.
Corruption for showing me how I care about my country
Poverty for making me be a satisfied person
And Last but not least, “LIFE” for showing me that “You Cant Get Everything You Wish For”

The sunrises, and I am released!!

Monday 17 November 2008

Back to Life,Back to Reality

First Day in Reality

“Sara, you need to get up, its 8:30”.

Sara...Sara!! yalla get up!

“Sounds like my mom’s…zzzz…is this my pillow?...zzzz....I know those curtains…zzzz…I have to get up…zzzz….work is calling…zzzz...I cant move…zzzz…I am very tired…zzzz…where am I!…zzzz….looks like my room!!...zzzz…where am I? zzzz..

- You are back home Sara. Dream is over, time to wake up. Get back to your life; get back to your reality.

* Who is this?
- This is you

*No, it can’t be me. I don’t want to wake up; I don’t want to get back to reality. Let me sleep, let me go back to my dream
- Dream is over, time to wake up. Get back to your life; get back to your reality.

* Stop Saying that. Leave me alone.
- You have to get up…You have to go to work…There is a meeting you should attend…You have to unpack. You have to give your family the presents. You have to tell all the stories to your family and friends…You have to check up on a friend…You have to…

*SHUT UP.SHUT UP.LEAVE ME ALONE

“Sara, Sara, wake up its 9:45”

*********
“…meeting….postponed….9:30 am…work…today…rest...“

*********

Mobarak meets with his Indian counter part to discuss…

Al-Ahly meets Cotton Sport this afternoon at….

A teacher beats a student to death in Alexandria after….


*********
I slept some more and woke up at 11:30. More conscious now, more aware of where I am, and more interested in the news. I checked my mobile to make sure that the sms was real. Thank God it was J

I missed talking to my mom. I spent two hours telling her about all the people I meet. All the people I was inspired by. And all the amazing friends I have now.

After talking and showing her all the photos, I didn’t feel well. I just wanted to go back there so bad. It felt like home sick, but in a very different way. So, I decided to go get some more sleep.

*********
“Hallo”
“Saraaaaaaaaaaa, I miss you Sooooo much. Welcome back”

That was my best friend, Rania. Talking to her for the first time in three weeks. I missed her so much and her Son “Omar”. We talked for an hour about everything. It was really nice hearing her voice. She told me that Omar said his first word yesterday. It was “Babba” J She was really disappointed with that. “It was supposed to be Mamma” she said J

I miss everyone, I miss my walks in the city, I miss being lost in the streets, I miss the lectures, I miss working in the project, I miss…

“So we decided to move for a couple of years, maybe more, still not sure, but….

MOVE.WHERE?!

Was I talking to my self?!

I am sorry, but YOU ARE LEAVING?

Yes ya Sara. I was telling you my husband got a better job offer outside Egypt and ….

No, this can’t happen. Enough people moving away, enough being far from the ones I love. First was Yousra my best friend from University, then Sara my best friend from Work, then making great new friends and leave and now Rania. Why!!

“..And so we decided to go. I am not happy with leaving, but it’s the best thing for us at this moment”
**********
I turned on my laptop to check my facebook account. Got a special message from a special person. Went through the profiles updates. Hoped that everyone arrived back home safe and went through the photos once more.

**********
At this point mom was really pissed off that I was spending half of my time either on my phone or on my laptop. I wanted to tell her that this is only the beginning but I decided not to. Not at this point at least.

**********

I had dinner with my parents. Talked more about my trip. And more about family issues, realizing that I missed lots of family events too. I wished them good night then I went to bed.
Staring at the starts on the sealing above my bed, missing my night walks and the evening chats with the people in the lobby.

Yet again, Tomorrow is another day in Reality.

**********

I miss that smell, I miss that smile, and I miss that camera….